True Secracy

I’ve come to realize that these day- instead of living life the way a child would- I sit and think of what is to come. I catch myself gazing at something or nothing, and frankly just thinking of the worse.  I list the things that could have happened to me when I was born, and what I could have changed back then if I could. 

It saddens me to know that I grew up oblivious of who I really am; An adopted female black-American with one health issue. An issue that will crowd my mind for the rest of my life. 

And maybe that’s why I am the way I am. I think that thats why Im unhappy most of the time, or why I lie to myself and others about my real problems. I think that thats why I can’t keep myself committed to any type of relationship. 

No one should have to go through this. No one should have to go through what Ive and still am going though… It’s mind blowing. It’s unfair.

Id always wished Id known my real mother and maybe brothers and sisters. But for her sake I’ve only one sister who’s of my own blood and even she can’t relate to what Im going through. Id wished Id known why the things in my life are the way they are. I thrive for information… for answers but I just can’t come around to know and get the truth. Instead I just swallow it. Forget. Suppress. 

Life’s gotta change though. I can’t keep living like this. I can’t be living this lie or else I’ll die of unhappiness. 

I need to… I don’t know.

I need help.

But before that, I need to trust.

I guess that’s really the hardest part of all this… right?

Twenty- three years, tomorrow.

Wow, what an accomplishment! I have yet to be reconciled in my own disease, nevertheless anyone else’s. The world has changed since my life’s started. We as humans are more capable of success these days then the days before us. We gallop on the perfect achievement, and loth on utter humility and failure. 

My life wasn’t and will never be perfect. And their are things that seem to just coil all my complications into one big mess. To talk about them would only erupt into a huge mesh of fire that has not any chance of diminishing… Its hard. 

Starting this literary blog will hopefully help me overcome the needs and problems… And I don’t expect people to try to read and relate.

Wish me luck!

Whenever Im alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again. Whenever Im alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again. When ever Im alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again. When ever Im alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again. How ever far away, I will always love you. How ever long I stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will love you. I will always love you.

Whenever Im alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again. Whenever Im alone with you, you make me feel like I am clean again. How ever far away, I will always love you. How ever long I stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will love you. I will always love you.